Time and time again, I am amazed by the power of my prayers. I have prayed and it was given to me, and even more.

I wouldn’t say I am a very religious person. I was raised Catholic, and the teachings of my family and school was never a thing I took seriously. I would attend (with much pressure and nagging) mass and basically, drone through the ceremony. I graduated from an all-girls Catholic school, taught by nuns and was mentored by a Priest. Everything, till now, was taken for granted and underestimated.

I have started praying again. And during these prayers, I have found somewhat, a little bit of peace.

It feels good that whenever I strike a conversation with God, through my crazy prayers, I am more at ease and know that He has something up his sleeve.

Just recently, I was blessed with a very nice surprise. And I can’t help but be grateful and thankful that He didn’t let me hurt anymore, to toil away senselessly. He made it so easier for me. No resisting necessary. A friend told me simply to trust, and I did.

Now, I am preparing for my transition, and still praying.

I dedicate this entry to Him:

You have been so good to me; I don’t know how I’ve even deserved any of the wonderful things you gave me. I am not worthy of it, and you know fully well why. But time and time again, you astound me with the power of your love. You, my protector, my friend, have always been there for me, when I haven’t been there for you.

Thank you for loving me, for providing for me and making everything so easy for me.

I am your child and I pray, Lord, that you guide me well, that I may never stray as I often do. Help me become an example of your love.

I don’t know what my purpose on this earth is, but I know you have bigger plans for me and for the first time, in a long time, I entrust my life to you, that your promises may be fulfilled.

  

“And, in the end The love you take
is equal to the love you make.”
― Paul McCartney

For the longest time in my life, I have just come to the realization that love, similar to respect, is earned.

We don’t give our love easily as we don't give our bodies/wants/possessions that easily as well.

“Love is the highest form of our values as a person” says Ms. Ayn Rand .  She adds, "love is the upward glance, adoration, worship..."

As I go along, however, the more I decipher what love is, the more confused I become. Shall I go through life searching for the one to 'adore', to 'worship', to 'love'? As human beings, we are capable of so much indiosyncracies. How can one 'adore', 'worship' or 'love' a fellow human being that is flawed and imperfect?

I still have to learn the ways and meanings of what real love is and answer the question of whether I am truly capable of such a strong passion...